Shhhh… It’s a secret. Say no way for safety!

The youngest children need really clear language for difficult concepts as their brains grow and develop. Parents often ask about how to keep their children safe from predators.

Here is one simple distinction that will help you to empower your kids. What’s the difference between secret, surprise or private?

Surprise!

Birthday gifts- surprises. Party- surprise. What’s in your lunch tomorrow-surprise! Things that we don’t share about right away but are meant to be fun and are eventually shared.

That’s private.

What you do on the toilet-private. What you share in therapy- private. The things we all know about but don’t always talk about in every or any setting or with any person in a store or on the streets. Some things we share only with people we are close to because it feels safe, or because we can trust the source or response of that person.

Secrets.

Secrets hurt. The whispers in the hallway, teasing we know something you don’t. Spreading rumors not told but meant to be overheard. Adults asking children not to tell never serves the child, never helps or protects them. It hurts.

Don’t tell the youngest children the gifts are secrets, call them surprises from the start and allow the older children to express nuance with the word secret.

Small lessons can go a long way.